Max McGrath: No More Wearing Clarabelle Blimp-o Pants
August 22, 2012: Slamming your barefooted toe into the computer table is a painful experience worthy of protracted strings of expletives and worthy of two fist shakes at the heavens. I just did it and there are no words for the pain.
I threaten the computer table with colorful epithets; it smugly just starred back at me in defiant silence. I don't suppose shooting it would teach it to get out of the way either.
This kind-of stuff happens to me all the time. It's just pitiful! And may I add, smarts like hell!
These incidents have beset me since boyhood. My sister Erin might be right that Fred's (Dad) kids were cursed by the evil Disney Granny Queen or JoJo the dog face boy. See, I know that these mishaps happen only to me. You guys never get a hard time from the universe, just me.
Betty would refer to me as a "Bull in a china shop." That phrase is right up there with last weeks most hated "husky size," especially when shopping for back to school clown pants. Clown pants were those dress pants that made you resemble "Bob's big Boy" traveling off to the local carnival to stand in for Clarabelle. I'm a jeans guy. I hate kakis and slacks, always have.
When the first week in September loomed closer, I would break out in hives knowing my life of relative freedom was about to end. Just to be clear, I thought a digit amputation could be less painful then going back to school.
I had a teacher in the 2-3rd grades that I, to this day, hate and, sadly, it was mutual. She alone killed for me any good concept of school. She had a Ph.D. in Education and I suspect was a card carrying communist KGB agent. At "reading time," she would interpret "Dr. Seuss" books. Her favorite was "Green Eggs and Ham," a truly sick idea to read to a gaggle of eight year olds. No wonder I had to log in seven years of therapy as an adult.
So, I had to sit there and listen to stories of cats wearing hats clad in "Bob's Big Boy Balloon" carnival pants after knocking over the juice table at juice time. This was a major blunder which resulted in depriving the other little geniuses of their tomato juice. Show me a kid at that age that even liked tomato juice, and I'll show you a child raised on Bloody Mary's, which was highly possible in those days.
School had its daily high points. The best one, of course, was the bell at 3:00 pm. B'ville at 3:00 pm was the magic kingdom for me. That blessed bell meant freedom! It was outdoor action time. I would purposely go out to destroy the Clarabelle pantaloons. It worked to, after a while I was sent to school in jeans. I won, they lost!
One favorite memory comes from the 50's playing with the tackling dummies, while the Bronco's practiced. My friends and I would roll around playing football using the dummies, I just loved it. There was one senior, who after practice would play with us while the other players hit the showers. Nick Nicholski (56) was a big tackle who called us "His little Gang." I still hear from Nick once and a while, he lives in California. He served with the 82nd Airborne. He always wanted to visit Russia and finally went with some 82nd vets to a paratrooper round-up in Russia. Some Soviet paratroopers arranged for him to jump with them at the age of 70. Nick was always a hero of mine.
I hadn't finished writing this column but within 2 hours Nick called out of the blue. Maybe I'm not cursed with friends like Nick. He was and still is a no fooling around guy who had justice in his quick hands and a big heart. Nick is one of the great memories for me at the BHS dinner table.
I will continue to bumble through this life, bobbing and over turning the juice bar and chairs. But I'm putting my foot down (very carefully) no more wearing of Clarabelle blimp-o pants size Husky.
Government & History Directory
Bronxville is a quaint village (one square mile) located just 16 miles north of midtown Manhattan (roughly 30 minutes on the train) and has a population of approximately 6,500. It is known as a premier community with an excellent public school (K-12) and easy access to Manhattan. Bronxville offers many amenities including an attractive business district, a hospital (Lawrence Hospital), public paddle and tennis courts, fine dining at local restaurants, two private country clubs and a community library.
While the earliest settlers of Bronxville date back to the first half of the 18th century, the history of the modern suburb of Bronxville began in 1890 when William Van Duzer Lawrence purchased a farm and commissioned the architect, William A. Bates, to design a planned community of houses for well-known artists and professionals that became a thriving art colony. This community, now called Lawrence Park, is listed on the National register of Historic Places and many of the homes still have artists’ studios. A neighborhood association within Lawrence Park called “The Hilltop Association” keeps this heritage alive with art shows and other events for neighbors.
Bronxville offers many charming neighborhoods as well as a variety of living options for residents including single family homes, town houses, cooperatives and condominiums. One of the chief benefits of living in “the village” is that your children can attend the Bronxville School.
The Bronxville postal zone (10708, known as “Bronxville PO”) includes the village of Bronxville as well as the Chester Heights section of Eastchester, parts of Tuckahoe and the Lawrence Park West, Cedar Knolls, Armour Villa and Longvale sections of Yonkers. Many of these areas have their own distinct character. For instance, the Armour Villa section has many historic homes and even has its own newsletter called “The Villa Voice” which reports on neighborhood news.
Village of Bronxville Administrative Offices
337-6500
Open 9:00am - 4pm excluding holidays and weekends
Bronxville Police Department
337-0500
Open 24 hours
Bronxville Parking Violations
337-2024
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Bronxville Fire Deparment
793-6400
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